The Problem Between You And Your Horse

.....is nearly always a problem with you. Too often the problem is the expectations of what the proper relationship should be. I emphasize "should". It is the trap so many people fall into by letting others define a proper relationship. If one's horse deviates from the expectations of these self appointed experts then one can feel like a failure.

It is so sad to see a person feel rejected because their horse does not act like Lassie. It is even worse when having one's horse become a trick pony becomes the definition of a solid relationship. These riders feel betrayed if their horse acts like a horse and on occasions does things that they do not like. The unfortunate reality is that they believe that the test of whether or not there is a good relationship is whether or not their horse acts like a horse.

They miss so much by doing so. The real relationship begins when the person learns to act like a horse. That is where the closeness comes in. That is when the horse experiences genuine affection and genuine happiness. Horses long for security. Humans long for autonomy. Humans often try to bend their relationship with the horse into a model that comes as close to allowing the horse autonomy as possible.

All forms of control or restraint are to be avoided in such a misplaced relationship. Riding with a rope halter suggest to many people a relationship while the use of a bit or bosal denotes coercion. The ultimate dream is to ride without any device on to control the horse. Control becomes a dirty word.

I work hard to train with 51% control and 49% affection. I am not embarrassed to hug and rub and gently sing to a horse in pubic. I am also not embarrassed to make a horse go where I say, in public.

For many, cantering down a beach on a horse that wears no saddle and has no bridle or even a halter on his head becomes the ultimate symbol of a true relationship

There is nothing wrong in such a beautiful ride, but please understand that while running naked down a beach might be a human's idea of freedom and autonomy, it is not the dream of a horse.

Horse's share Kris Kristopherson's view of freedom, ("nothing left to loose" from "Me and Bobbie McGee"). A horse's happiness depends on feeling secure. A horse's happiness depends on two questions that we do not consider when we do them the horrible disservice of anthropomorphizing them--"Do I have grass (hay is fine too)"? and "Am I safe from anything that would try to kill me at the moment"?

Look at the picture above. The rider is having a beautiful experience of freedom. The horse is quite contented. He knows that he is safe with this rider who controls him beautifully. (I know horse and rider very well.)

If your leadership does not provide the horse with that security you do not have a sound relationship, even if every time the two of you come together you look the the cover on a paper back romance novel.

Does your horse come running when he sees you? It is great if he does.

Are you contented to spend hours simply standing close to your horse's shoulder with your head down,occasionally stroking his drive line, chewing now and then and working to breath in sycronocity with him? If so you have a lucky horse who has an owner who is willing to redefine pleasure to take into account the horse's wishes.

Doing so will often be the beginning of a life long relationship.

So why don't the big time clinicians encourage more of this? Well, one cannot make any money off of a video about how to stand still beside your horse as the sun goes down.

But if your horse had a Visa card he would order a video like that just for you.