To Fall On Deaf Ears

Had a little fall this morning. Kind of fall that is nothing if you are a kid, but at my age the fall was likely to tear whichever parts of me that did not break. I do not know what is torn and what is broken at the moment. Going to see the orthopedic surgeon about that tomorrow.

 Without a doubt this will be inconvenient.

And that inconvenience is the only part that really matters. Except in the most extreme cases, pain goes away or you get used to it. I believe in medical attention and in folowing the doctor's advice. However, I see no advantage to all the histrionics about a little fall, or bruise or scrape. In fact, the modern belief that the key measure of being a good parent is whether or not your child is ever uncomfortable, causes a great deal of unhappiness as those kids grow up.

The reality is that I am in significant pain right now but I am not in significant discomfort. And that is entirely because of the way I was raised. My pain greatly exceeds my discomfort because I do not view the pain as some utterly innapropriate interloper into my world. It is natural. Pain is a part of my world. It always has been. It is the feeling that pain is unfair that creates such discomfort for so many people.

When I was very small if I would fall to the ground, neither of my parents would look at me with grave concern in their voices and on their faces and ask "Are you OK?" Instead they would quite properly say, "Get up!" If I was unable to get up that meant that I was not ok. If I was bleeding that would be apparent when I got up. It would be equally apparent if I was not bleeding.

Kids are done no favors by treating every little bump and bruise as the emotional high point of the day. Teaching a child to be weak is not love. Teaching a child to equate mindless hovering and hand wringing with meaningful affection is to deny the child the opportunity to see the importance of real, meaningful affection. If a five year old gets more attention from his mother because he is whining over a little scratch than he would get from his mother if he came to the assistance of a handicapped child being taunted by the rest of the playground what route will he take?

It is courage that should be met with affection. It is caring about other kids that should be met with affection. It is shairing that should generate affection.

If a kid can attract every minute of his parent's attention by whining, why would the child take the harder path of being willing to do what is right regardless of the consequences as he got older.

Physical courage comes before moral courage.