Learned Optimism: A Chance To Succeed

Successes are the capitol used to buy actual happiness. If one wants a child to grow into a happy adult, it is vitally important for that child to be given repeated chances to succeed. 

Yes, each of those chances to succeed is also a chance to fail. That is what makes them so important.

 Success in the face of failure is an achievement. The alternative is to allow the child to forfeit, to loose the chance of achieving because there is a risk that the child might fail. Barring physical or sexual abuse, I do not know of anything that one could do to a child that will insure a life of unhappiness more than encouraging the child to go with the instinct to give up on the chance of achievement. If one wants to insure that an anxiety disorder sets in deeply in the mind of a young person, all one must do is to encourage fear and passivity in the face of a challenge.

Suppose you were only nine years old. Suppose that you had been riding for a very short time. Suppose that you had been learning fast and were invited to join in on a ride with more advanced riders. Suppose that you ride over fifteen miles on your first advanced ride. Suppose that you were joined on that ride by your Grandfather, who himself had limited time in the saddle. Suppose that you rode your mustang though deep mud, briers, standing water, and rugged terrain. Suppose that you were surrounded by people encouraging you to ride on.

There she is in the picture above . She earned the achievement of completing that ride. She was encouraged every step of the way by a supportive team of riders who understood the import of this ride. 

The teenagers who do not apply for a scholarship because they "probably would not get it anyway" become the adults  who do not seek a promotion at work because the "they probably have someone else in mind for the promotion anyway". And later in life, when the doctor tells them that the "test came back badly but that with surgery and treatment there is an 80% chance of full recovery" only hears that regardless of what is done there is a 2 in 10 chance of death. 

And it all goes back to never being encouraged to take on opportunities to achieve. Teach your child to learn what the child can do. Don't teach your child to believe that the child can do nothing.