I Despise Straight Lines

Any concern that the development of our non profit will hinder our programs or cause us to look like a more conventional operation are entirely misplaced. No one who knows me should have that concern.

I do not expect others to see things the way that I do. I do not mind that they do not. I do not expect others to share my views on ethics and morals. I do not mind if they do not understand those views. I only draw the line when I am urged to violate my own views of right and wrong.

In high school our history class went across the river to Williamsburg and we visited the restored Governor's Mansion. The weather was beautiful. We were outside in the gardens where trees had been manipulated into a maze and vines were cultivated so that they did not tangle. A tourist mentioned to her husband how beautiful and natural everything looked.

I did not say anything to her, but I was horrified at the comment. I could see nothing beautiful in the concept of buildings made with slave labor. Such mansions were often owned by men who molested their young slaves and then either sold the resulting off spring,--their own children,-- or kept them on the plantation site as slaves. In discussions with the other kids in the class I was viewed as sort of a spoil sport who would not go along with the idea of "this sure looks neat." Finally one girl said, "Well even if they are not beautiful, you have to admit that they appear beautiful."

That is not where my loathing of the idea of making things appear "nice" originated. I cannot really put my finger on a starting point but I recall hating wearing anything new to school when I was in the second grade. I could not be comfortable in new clothes when other kids my age (the farm workers' kids) were in rags. Probably goes further back then that.

As I got older the idea of submitting myself to the judgement of others to let them decide if my hair, my clothes,my accent, or my music was appropriate seemed patently absurd. I have never understood why anyone would do such a thing.

But on a deeper level "beautification" does not just make me feel selfish, it makes me feel dishonest. Appearances are masks. They hide the truth. Appearances lie.

I try very hard not to lie. A few years before Momma died she lost some of her teeth. It would have been easy enough to get false teeth. Though we never discussed it, I know that she simply thought it to be an improper waste of money that could be better used elsewhere. She expected to die in a few more years anyway and I don't think that she thought it right to use money for something that would only be around for such a short while.

She died without false teeth. She also died with a refrigerator and freezer on the front porch so people in the community that needed food could come by and pick up food to hold their family over until times got a little better.

I used to wear my dentures for jury trials--had to look good to impress the jurors with my appearance. The last time I started to put those things in my mouth it occurred to me that there was a reason that they are called "false" teeth. They lie to create the nice appearance of having teeth. I put them back on the counter.

I don't even know where they are now.

So no, I will not be doing things to make the horse lot appear beautiful. I am delighted with things that actually are beautiful. Near the tack shed I have the most beautiful Chicken Castle that I have ever seen. It's beauty is from the hours of work that Shannon put into designing it and the days that she and Michael put into building it and the many hours that Charlie and Ashley played in the mud and chased chickens while their parents and their big sister created such beauty.

In pasture #2 one can find the most beautiful smoke house that I have ever seen. The beauty came from the lumber that Daddy hauled out there, the plans Joseph made for it, the work that he did, and all of the work that the other families did in building it.

Jackie's painting in the little house walls and ceiling does not merely appear beautiful. The work is beautiful. The beauty is in the countless hours that she has put into the hard work of getting the ceilings right so they could be painted. The rooms are beautiful when she finishes them but there is even more beauty in seeing her repairing and painting them.

So if our non profit were magically offered a busload of money to pave the path and create brick walk ways all around the pastures and our very own show ring, I would very politely turn them down.

If another busload of money came to buy 1000 acres of swamp and cut over and fence to create a real refuge for the Corollas I would jump at it in a minute and go dig all the fence posts myself.

I do not judge others in accordance with the rules that I make for myself. There are over 7 billion people on this planet and I do not have time make rules for everyone. I do not ask others to agree with me or to approve of my point of view. I have no interest in ruling others. I only make rules for myself.

And I follow those rules.