Years ago I met a young victim of domestic abuse. Her case was very unusual. She was a brilliant, attractive student that had completely fallen under the sway of an older man. She was oblivious to the fact that his conduct clearly marked him as a sociopath. He controlled her every move. He worked hard to isolate her from her family and friends. He succeeded.
His behavior towards her then became significantly more violent. That is when my contact with her began. I met with her on many occasions. We talked about the risks that she faced. Any man that insists on knowing where his wife or girlfriend is 24/7 is dangerous. It is no surprise that he was older than her. Young men rarely become so sickly possessive while still at a young age. Such perverse behavior usually takes years to do reach development.
Some times she would show hints of understanding. Her face would soften. Soon it reverted to a haughty, taunting, arrogance about how she was old enough to know what was best for her and that the problem was not with him, but with those who tried to separate her from her true love. The scariest part was when it was so obvious that the words and vocabulary came from him yet dripped out her mouth as she sat there with the face of an automaton.
He killed her. He killed the baby too.
I feel no guilt over this. I do not blame myself. However, I recognize the simple reality that my words failed to reach her. I failed in trying to get her to see what was so obvious to the rest of the world. I do not know what it was that I should have said but I do know that whatever it was I did not say it.
In short, I failed and she and her baby paid the cost.
When I encounter a child showing signs of the development of an anxiety disorder I go into overdrive trying to find the words to help them understand that there is a way out and that using horses to work through their fear can be a very important step towards getting well. Nothing I do in any walk of life is more difficult than to try to successfully intervene to show the kid a way out.
Nothing that I do is more important.
Nothing carries a higher cost when I fail.
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