Monday, December 7, 2015

Adults Riding Ponies?

Teaching the Unteachable

A man is allotted only a certain number of breaths in this lifetime and it is a shame to waste any of them. As soon as one recognizes that one is casting pearls before swine, pick up your pearls and relocate rapidly.

This is Tradewind, HOA National Pleasure Trail Horse of the Year for 2011. This wild Corolla stallion was captured because he was utterly crippled with founder. He has completed a fifty mile in a day ride and carried me 206 hours in the woods last year, the vast majority of that time being at a trot or canter.

He is 12.2 hands and, when in top shape weighs 626 pounds. I have no idea what I would weigh in top shape because I have not been in top shape for decades. In any event, I weigh less than 626 pounds.

I do not blame anyone for not knowing that a Spanish mustang had such a weight bearing capacity. Several years ago I did not know it. However, I will not waste a second of my time arguing with those who still want to tell me that the Corollas are just too small for a "grown up." (Look at the evidence. I am grown. In fact, my height has not increased for the last 37 years. I have come to terms with the fact that my dreams of an NBA career will likely not be realized.)

If I encounter a disheveled person sitting alone on a park bench loudly carrying on a conversation with both Groucho and Karl Marx, I do not stop to join the conversation. When a member of the established horse world sniffs disapprovingly that "no adult should be riding a pony" I have three stock responses, depending on the specifics of the situation. All three serve me equally well.

1. "Sure been dry lately." (Then walk away)
2. "Sure been wet lately." (Then Walk away)
3. "Sure been raining just the right amount lately. (Then walk away).

In fairness to them, perhaps I should not compare apples to oranges. The distance that Tradewind carried me in the woods pales in comparison to the number of miles that their horse paced back and forth in its stable last year. And yes, you are probably correct that I give my horse's "stupid" names. I apologize.

In fact, please instruct your horse's stable manager to have the groom pet your horse, "Gucchi's Wrinkled Skin Old Prune" once just for me. Don't forget to pickup some WD40 the next time that you buy your horse's supplements. With enough WD40, I am sure that you will be able to find a way to get that stable door open.

1 comment:

George W said...

I have a new reply to that..."Pay attention, try and keep up."

"Yes...I realize your horse won't fit through there..mine will."

And maybe best, simply for the non-sequitur value.."What are horse shoes? Sounds like a good name for a slow racehorse."
A friend asked me the other day what color saddle pad I wanted.."One to match the color of the tears of slow horses..." -Lloyd